How Bristol Woman came about

These are the few words I said at the launch of Bristol Woman on November 25, 2013 at the Mauretania:

I never thought I would be interested in women’s rights. I come from Moldova, a former Soviet country, and being raised indoctrinated by the apparent equality of Soviet socialism – I never questioned equality between men and women. It’s not until I started researching trafficking in human beings and other forms of contemporary slavery and violence against women that I started to open my eyes to women’s rights violations and where these come from.  I could not believe it then that I’ve had my eyes wide shut to such systematic violations for so long. As I was learning about case of physical and psychological abuse – my view of the world and of the state of women in the world has changed forever.

I now have two lovely daughters and the oldest one is very outspoken, emotive, and pro-active. If I had a coin for every time she was called a chatter box or bossy, I would not be here today, I would be in the Bahamas enjoying some sun.  But there is a problem to her being called that  - as it is bound to influence her continuing to be outspoken and pro-active into  her teens and adulthood. The youngest one is probably the same, it’s just that she is only 17 months and only learning to express herself.

Even I, being a women’s rights activist get the occasional instinctive urge to tell her to be quiet and listen more, say less, be less “in your face”.  That’s what society would expect. Just like any other women, I easily feel and give in to the pressure of society’s expectations. And then when we look around and see that women are underrepresented in decision making and leadership roles, we wonder “why?”.

To be or not to be...

I often think I’d like to be a writer. Captivate audiences with interesting topics, have a sophisticated and witty style. I can almost see it – sitting at a desk with a view of  some greenery in a nice tranquil village. Writing away at my desk. A nice candle burning away by my side, inspiring a finger dance on the keyboard.

Except then reality hits and I am in a Bristol suburb, crowded houses outside my window, not a site of candles, dreading the blank page on my screen. If anything, having to write will more often frustrate me.  I get very excited and passionate when I talk about things like migration, or women’s rights, but I actually dread putting the thoughts on paper.

I always wonder why that is. And I also wonder if it is better to pursue such dreams until we perfect our skill, or if it is best to leave it and move on to things that are easier for us to do and develop a passion for them instead. What has your experience been?

This is what a feminist looks like

There was a time, when I was in my mid 20’s when I too thought feminism was a dirty word. It was a Saturday night in lower Manhattan, and I got into an argument with my friend over him buying me drinks. As we stepped out of the bar into warmth of a New York summer night, he offered to take me home and I politely declined making my way towards a stuffy subway.   

A few other girlfriends joined me and as we were giggling away I heard him mutter something including the word feminist. I don’t quite remember what he said, but I remember feeling offended. How dare him call me that! As we waited for the subway for what seemed like hours, I could not get over the fact that I was just called a feminist.

It took nearly 10 years, but I did finally get to a point where being called a feminist is a compliment. Makes me feel proud, and I think I finally got something right. The thing is, because of the way feminism is portrayed in mainstream culture, I’ve wasted a lot of my active youth years trying to disassociate myself from this concept. And a lot of other young women do too. 

Perhaps it’s time we reinvent feminism. Or just clear its name from all the negative connotations our patriarchal society has attached to it. It’s also time we bring feminism home – and by home I mean making it a part of our daily lives.  Perhaps making feminism practical can engage more young women.